


recovery in the hands of you

by radstereo



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Past Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanoff - Freeform, Post-Black Panther (2018), Post-Captain America: Civil War, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), not completely civil war compliant, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 21:05:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15373299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radstereo/pseuds/radstereo
Summary: Bucky has gone into cryo, and Steve just wants him to wake up again.





	recovery in the hands of you

The room was quiet. The sun was rising slowly outside, the golden rays seeping in through the windows and illuminating the area around the frozen cylinder. The only noise in the silent room is the squeak of a marker being used against the glass of the chamber, spelling out "FALCON WAS HERE" in large, blocky letters.

"Sam," Steve chuckled, leaning against the doorframe, not yet entering. Sam spins around to face Steve, a guilty smile finding its way onto his face. He puts the marker down, capping it and shooting one last glance to the chamber before standing.

"Sorry, Cap," Sam shrugged, walking over to Steve and looking back at the area. "It was just too good an opportunity to pass up."

Steve didn't respond, just walking over to the cylinder and leaning his forehead against the glass. Sam quickly stepped out of the room, figuring Steve would want this time for himself.

"Hopefully you won't be in here too long," Steve whispers, placing his right hand against the glass, almost as if he were a child visiting their imprisoned parent. "I already miss you, Buck. Always miss you."

Of course, Bucky's frozen body doesn't answer. Steve isn't expecting one, but it still tugs on his heart a bit when he's met with more silence. His fingers curl slightly and fall down the glass, before he picks his head up off of the surface and takes a few steps back.

He looks over the writing from Sam on Bucky's container, and decides that he'll leave it there.

___

Not even a day later, Steve is back. T'Challa continuously reassures him that, _Captain, we've got everything under control. He's in safe hands,_ but Steve needs to visit. He feels lost knowing exactly where Bucky is and not being there with him.

He sits in the chair this time, chin perched on his hands as he talks aloud to Bucky's unconscious body. He talks about how he'll be back tomorrow, and that Natasha will be with him.

Steve's in the middle of a sentence when a voice cuts through the room. "He can hear you, you know."

He turns to see Shuri, a small smile on her face as she enters the room. She walks until she's stood next to Steve's chair, gazing upon Bucky's chamber with a sigh. "It's almost like being comatose. He knows you're here, Captain."

Steve felt his chest lighten up a bit, and a wave of relief crashed over him. All he wanted was for Bucky to be aware of his presence; know that every moment he was asleep, Steve was thinking about him, worrying about him. He never stops worrying about Bucky.

"How do you know?" Steve asks, not taking his eyes off of Bucky. Shuri laughs softly and moves closer to Bucky, placing her hand against the glass.

"Last night we connected him to a small transmitter, just to test his vitals, and when T'Challa told me you'd be stopping by today, his heart rate spiked almost immediately," she explained. Steve's face turned up into a grin, and he looked down to avoid her seeing the blush rising on his cheeks.

Shuri saw it anyway, and a knowing smirk fell upon her lips. "Keep coming here. It helps him, and makes my job a whole lot easier. You're the only person in the world who can truly crack through Hydra's programming, Captain."

"Steve," he said before he could stop himself. "I think at this point, you can call me Steve."

She smiles again and nods, before walking out of the room and leaving Steve alone with Bucky. He turns back to the container, that smile still on his face.

"If you can hear me, Buck," Steve starts, "then I can't wait for you to wake up."

___

Natasha stands in front of the cylinder, dragging her eyes over Bucky's frozen frame. Spurts of memories flash in her head, ones of extreme pain and constant aching in her bones.

They're all from the Red Room, of course. She remembers learning the right way to punch at such a young age. And, how the first time she did it wrong, she got a fistful of metal in her gut, and 200+ pounds of Winter Soldier crushing her into the floor. She remembers wearing a black eye and sporting a large bruise on her stomach for a few weeks after that.

She remembers finding him incredibly attractive and then hating herself for it, because this man would beat her into the ground for tripping over her own feet during a fight. She remembers hearing his screams as the Soviets had their way with his mind, melting his brain inside of his skull. She remembers crying for him, face smashed into her pillow to muffle the sounds.

She doesn't hold him accountable for the things he did to her. Hell, Natasha is well aware that he didn't even know who he was back then. Sometimes she thinks he didn't even realize he was human at all; nothing but a murderous machine, complete with the programmed cyborg arm and all. She remembers asking him his name once, one of the first training sessions they did. He had looked so panicked... and Natasha had barely any time to think before he knocked her out cold. She knew not to ask his name of him again.

A time before the Avengers, and a time before being a hero, Natasha knows that she could have let herself fall in some strange, one-sided, toxic love with Bucky Barnes. Except, it was never Bucky in the first place. Natasha didn't know Bucky until he got brought in, detained, alongside Steve, and taken to a room for interrogation. As a young girl, back in Russia, she could have let herself fall in love with the Winter Soldier. He was her authority. She was taught to respect authority, to admire them; especially the ones teaching her how to be in life. The ones reprimanding her. Telling her that she has no place in the world until it stuck.

But she never did. She was far too smart for that, always has been. She knew that love couldn't exist between two people held captive, trained to kill, one with their brain in a blender and the other on their way there. Love couldn't exist in a place where a young girl could hear the Winter Soldier screaming in agony as she was sterilized against her will. She may have never forgotten her own name, but the memories of the Red Room definitely have snaked their way in and out of her mind throughout the years.

Her fingers tap the outside of her thighs, and she lets out a breath. "Steve said you can hear me, so I just wanna say I forgive you. I never got the chance before."

Natasha thinks she sees his eyelid twitch beneath the frost, but she doesn't let herself believe that.

___

A few days later, Steve is rambling on about nothing of importance to Bucky when the door opens and a nervous Peter Parker enters the room.

Steve is confused at first, and then angry. He knows that Tony must've sent the kid here, since he's too damn cowardly to come himself. Steve stands from his chair and walks to Peter, not letting the anger show on his face.

"Hi, Captain," Peter says, his voice quiet and shaky. Steve feels his chest soften the smallest bit. Perhaps Tony didn't send him.

"Hello," Steve responds, and doesn't take his eyes off of Peter's face. The boy looks away, however, clearing his throat and shifting his feet.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry," Peter sighed. "You were right, when you said I didn't understand. It wasn't my place to fight you for somebody else."

Steve lets a small smile curl on his mouth. Peter finally looks back up at him, and his expression worsens. He thinks Steve is going to laugh at him.

"Thank you, kid," Steve said, nodding in appreciation. "But, does Stark know that you're here?"

Peter went silent, tugging his bottom lip with his teeth nervously. Steve cracked a smile again.

"I won't tell him if you don't," Steve promised, watching as Peter's face lit up in joyful gratitude.

"Thanks," he smiled, before diverting his attention to Bucky behind them. His eyes went soft as he fell silent. "Wow..."

"He's okay," Steve said quickly. He knew that's one of the things Peter must've been thinking; Sam did, and so did Natasha, even. "When he wakes up, he'll be better."

"Are they taking out all the Hydra stuff?" Peter asked, walking closer to the chamber and putting his hand against it.

"Yeah," Steve nodded, sitting back down and keeping his eyes on Bucky.

"It's cold," Peter chuckled. "I mean, that's obvious, but..."

Steve laughed, shaking his head. God, the kid reminded him of himself. Specifically before the serum, when he was just a reckless teenager in Brooklyn who got involved in far too many brawls to handle.

"Tell him I'm sorry, too," he sighs, turning back to face Steve. "You know, when he wakes up."

"You can tell him right now," Steve suggests, glancing at Peter. "He can hear you."

"Really?" Peter asked in disbelief, turning back to Bucky and chuckling. "Well then, I'm sorry, Bucky. I hope when you wake up, you're the best version of yourself that you'll ever be."

Steve couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face as Peter finished up and turned back around. "Um, I guess I'm gonna get going... T'Challa got me a ride here and back."

"Come as often as you want, Peter," Steve said, looking up at him. "Please. I think Buck will want to see you in person when he wakes up after hearing that."

Peter nods, and starts to walk out of the room.

"Thanks again, Cap-"

"Steve," he interrupts with a laugh. "Is Bucky the only person on this damn planet who doesn't call me 'Captain'?"

"...Steve," Peter finishes, a smirk on his face. It makes a little hole in Steve's chest fill up, one he wasn't even aware was empty in the first place.

___

The last time Steve visits, he's sitting there and talking to Bucky like always, when Shuri enters. She walks over to Steve with an envelope in her hand, and a smile on her face.

"Hello, Cap- Steve," she stumbles over her words, remembering what Steve had told her only a few days before. Steve turned to face her, smiling softly and looking at the envelope.

"What's that?" he asked, standing up as she approached him.

Shuri held it out. "I found it with Bucky's things. It has your name on it."

Steve took the envelope from her fingers, reading the front of it. It was no doubt Bucky's handwriting, and a simple "Steve" written out. He looked back to Shuri and thanked her, watching as she left the room.

He sat back down on the chair and opened the envelope, pulling out the lined piece of paper inside. It was a letter.

_Steve,_

_I'm writing this really fast while you're getting changed in the other room, so forgive me if it's sloppy. But I'm going back under, and I think that it's going to give me some time to think about everything. I meant it when I said I wasn't worth all this. I've hurt so many people in this world, but for some damn reason you're still sticking by me. I guess we're the only things we have left of our real lives, huh?_

_This letter has a point, I promise. I met Shuri for a couple minutes, she's a sweet girl. She just told me that she'd be working to get rid of all that Hydra shit in my head, and that was enough for me to be grateful. I'm really glad I'm doing this. I think that this is gonna be the only way for me to get better, no risk of the Soldier coming out. I'll finally be able to live my life unafraid of my own thoughts, and that's something I'm desperate for._

_Look, Steve, I'm just so fucking glad you're in my life. I'd be lost without you. You're the only person who's ever truly believed in me, throughout everything, and I thank you for that. I just wanted to put this in a letter because I'm not entirely sure how long I'll be under. I hope you come and visit me. Make sure Sam doesn't do any stupid shit._

_Truth is, if you weren't here, I would've offed myself the minute I got out of Hydra. Hell, I wouldn't have even thought about getting out in the first place, had it not been for you. You're my everything, Rogers. My rock. Without you, I'm just an Asset, and I would've lived out hundreds of years as such. Thank you again, for everything. I might've been saving your scrawny ass back in Brooklyn, but you've been saving my whole damn life since the first moment I met you._

_Bucky._

_Oh, and don't even dare think about crying while reading this. If you do, you're a punk._

Steve wiped the tears from his eyes and folded the paper back up, holding it against his chest. He stood up and walked to the chamber, resting his head against it like he's done so many times this week.

"I love you, jerk," Steve whispered with a laugh. He hoped Bucky could hear him.


End file.
